Rejected By My Dream Guy

Story Time!

There once was this guy that I was really into. I mean, I had a crush on him for a while. After a long while of watching from a distance, I finally worked up the courage to talk to him. I hyped myself up and put myself out there to start a conversation with him and you know what the result was?

He straight “heisman’d the s*** outta me. 

I mean - crickets, left on read, the vibe was very much - “LOL Why did YOU think you could talk to ME?” And as the young kids say, his energy was very much giving  — “NO”. I was embarrassed and while enough time has passed now that I can joke over this story with friends — at the time when it happened it was earth-shattering. Heterosexual women typically aren’t preconditioned by society to handle rejection. We’re the ones to get “approached”, we aren’t social-ed to do the approaching. This was the first time I had ever put myself out there. So this hurrtttttttt. Growing up a black girl in a majority white community will have you thinking you’re ugly when you’re not because let’s be honest, the attention was never on us. This situation brought up all those childhood insecurities for me and I immediately started comparing myself to the women he did allow around him and thought what the heck is wrong with me, I’m “X,Y and Z” compared to those girls. I have all these attributes, why can’t he see? Are they prettier then I am? What do they have that I don’t? Needless to say, the situation shook me. My ego was ruined for months, which I did not think was possible being that I was a grown adult when this happened.

BUT I’m glad it happened.

Processing the rejection allowed me to get over my fear of rejection altogether — well not completely but nothing can ever bruise my ego in that way ever again. It situation even helped to inspire my motto for 2022: Those that get it, get it. Those that don’t, aren’t meant to - and that’s okay.” 

His disinterest means absolutely nothing towards who I am as a person. Not everyone is going to understand you or even want to understand you. BUT I divinely believe that what and who is meant for me, won’t miss me. What I’m supposed to have will come into my life when the time is right. Job opportunities, friends, life dreams, and specifically in terms of this story -“my person”.

I know that it is easy to get discouraged because of our current dating culture. — If you aren’t currently single let me tell you. It’s ghetto out here. We struggling, keep us singles in your prayers.

My advice to currently anyone looking to date is  put yourself out there and allow yourself to be rejected.  It hurts but a lot can be learned from it. Also take the pressure off yourself. Everything will happen when it’s supposed to. The guy I’m supposed to be with, will be able to see how awesome I am, clear from across the room. He won’t need a magnifying glass. He won’t need it explained to him. He’ll just - get it. And the same goes for any of you who are out there thinking “Are they-? Can we-? What does he/she think of me?” Understand that the person that God has for you, you won’t have to convince to give you the time of day. You won’t have to beg for them to notice you. You don’t have to walk on eggshells when talking about the deep parts of yourself. You won’t have to be nervous about scaring them off. They’ll get it, or they’ll make the effort to get it.

Shoot all the shots. The ones you're supposed to make - you will.